Target Renegade

1990

Developer: Software Creations

Publisher: Taito

Composer: Tim Follin

Soundtrack Link

As I've talked about in my Toys R Us musing, buying games as a kid was a gamble.  I’m going to start with a real dud that I had the misfortune of picking up but how could you fault me with box art as badass as that?  It looks like a kung fu Rambo pulling off a flying kick through a glass window.  Like a lot of other NES cover art, the image was lifted from other source material.  This one came from the book cover of martial arts legend Joe Lewis' The World's Greatest Fighter Teaches You How To Master Bruce Lee's Fighting System.  Enough useless knowledge, onto the game review!

Impress your friends at NES trivia night!

Target Renegade is a side scrolling beat’em ported from the ZX Spectrum\Amstrad CPC\Commodore 64 to the NES and was the sequel to Renegade originally developed by Technos.  Inspired by the Double Dragon series, it had all the makings to be a decent game but failed in so many places and unfortunately did not live up to it's sweet cover.

Ugly constipated man presents 

80's action movie tropes 101

The one hit wonder band Mr. Big with the unforgettable monster ballad “To Be With You” are holding your brother hostage, or so my little pea brain thought.  The plot is extremely minimal but hey, this is a beat' em up game on the NES.  How much story do you need?  

You're a generic blue vested one man army up against hordes of enemies of all shapes and sizes.  Seriously, this game has it all!  There are bikers, karate guys, skateboarders, prostitutes, juiced up baseball players and the dreaded creepy balding old men in green trench coats.  I really commend them for keeping the enemy sprites varied throughout the game.  The environments however are boring and with ugly color palettes.  You'll spend a majority of the game fighting through the city streets with your only relief being the forest and bar locations toward the end of the game.

Those hookers pack a mean punch

Your repertoire of moves consists of kicks, punches, flying jump kicks and a sort of tripping attack which throughout most of the game becomes your greatest ally.  There are hardly any weapons to pick up throughout your journey.  The only two to be found are a baseball bat and a parking meter which make the most hilarious "doink" sound if you actually land the attack.  They are difficult to use and near impossible to connect any hits with thanks to unresponsive controls.  Health is scarce and randomly dropped from baddies and you have one life to make it through each level.  Bosses can be completely unfair and frustrating at times.  Your health bar will deplete to almost nothing before you can even get a hit in.  All of this has contributed bite marks on my poor controllers.  Unfortunately, the 2 player aspect of the game never ported over to the NES so you can't even suffer through the game with a friend.  My pro tip to get through the game?  Sweep the leg...sweep ALL the legs.

Prince Hippo?

Musically, the game is pretty good.  It might just be Target Renegade's one redeeming quality.  Tim Follin (Silver Surfer, Spider Man/X-men Arcade's Revenge) has some unique compositions and does some pretty cool stuff with the NES hardware.  It's the type of butt-rock soundtrack that could only be fitting in a game called Target Renegade.  Check this track out immediately!  There are very few songs however so be prepared to hear them over and over again.

I hate when I show up too late for Egg McMuffins too.

So why was Target Renegade such a bad decision as a kid?  In one word, mediocrity.  When going toe to toe with Double Dragon II, the game is trumped in every way.  Where DD2 had the addictive flying knee and jumping spin kick to keep things fun and interesting, Target Renegade had nothing that made it stand out from the rest.  I recommend at least trying the game out if only for it's decent soundtrack and hilarious face animations but fair warning, you'll need at least 5 beers in you to slightly enjoy it.

This is your balls on Target Renegade

Controls: 2

Graphics: 2

Music: 3

Fun: 2

_________

Total: 9/20

Game Room Tour

Welcome to my den of shameful activities (I have the greatest, most understanding wife in the world).  Because I'm such a huge procrastinator, here's my game room tour.  I'll have some reviews up VERY soon.  Please enjoy!

NEStalgia

They just don't sell em' like they used to

Welcome to the site and sorry for the shitty pun!  On my first post, I'd like to touch on a topic that nobody has really covered, a true NES experience found in the purchasing process for NES games in the late 80's to early 90's.  

Growing up in the NES era was a wonderful time.  The internet didn't quite exist yet leaving us kids unequipped with the proper knowledge to venture into the great unknown.  Your only reference for how good a game is was:

1.) Gaming Magazines - there were a ton out there but I had a subscription to Nintendo Power and GamePro for several years.  They were a young nerd's equivalent to Playboy complete with centerfolds and pin ups for you to drool over (I swear that's why the pages are stuck together!).

I shit you not, these bad boys came in almost every issue of NP

2.) Word of Mouth - this was basically playground chat.  "Hey man, did you get that new game Star Tropics?  This game is radical!  You actually have to dip the instruction manual in water to get a secret code".

3.) Looking at the back of the game box and praying to your preferred deity that you made the right decision.

Not to get all Pepperidge Farms on you but life was simpler back then. Now let me paint you a pretty little picture that will forever be framed in my mind.  

On rare occasion, my parents would take me to Toys R Us to get a game.  I was constantly yelled at not to run through the parking lot because as soon as car doors unlocked, I jumped out of the car like a savage beast with an unquenchable thirst for Nintendo.

Beyond the TRU's iconic store entrance, the video game aisles at TRU were vast and usually the first section visible. Games were not displayed in glass like they are today. The box art was printed on laminated cards and posted to the walls of the aisle.  You were able to lift the card to see the screenshots and summary of the game on the back. Below them was a hanging clear plastic pouch containing tickets for the game with the price on it.  You would take the ticket for the game of your choosing, bring it up to the cashier and pay, then go to a huge booth filled to the brim with games.  Behind this plexiglass fortified wonderland, there was a pimply faced teenager who would take your ticket and disappear into a sort of video game Narnia.  What felt like years later, he would emerge with your shiny new sealed NES game.  GIMME DAT

Oh how I fantasized of climbing through the pickup window to bask in the shelves and shelves of games but it could only remain a dream.  Being convicted of a felony at 9 is not a great way to start your record.

It was thrilling and at the same time, a huge gamble. The game you chose based merely on box art would be the game you were stuck with for better or worse. It could be weeks or even months before you scrounge up enough lunch\chore money for your next purchase so you had to make it count.

I've had quite a few victories and felt utter defeat (I'm looking at you Target Renegade!) so my first couple of reviews will focus on these games.

- Matsu

Anticipation

1988

Developer: Rare

Publisher: Nintendo

Anticipation is a game that I played a good amount during my youth.  I think it was more the desire to be an adult than the actual game that interested my cousins and I.  I mean, look at the cover.  If you play this game, you MUST be a adult.  In our defense, this is how our parents looked in the 80's...

The game is what it says: "Nintendo's first video board game." Well, not exactly.... Othello came out the year before, but who's keeping track other than me?  This "board game" is sort of like Pictionary, except your teamate's not drawing the picture; the computer is.  To start each turn, players must roll the dice.  Each colored square you land on will have a certain category of picture and everyone must try to figure out what the computer is drawing.  

Alright computer.  I'm pickin' up what you're puttin' down.

To help you guess what the picture is supposed to be, some pictures will have the category at the top and show how many letters are in the title at the bottom.  At the higher levels and the higher difficulties, though, these hints disappear.  This can become very frustrating, especially when you see the same picture drawn multiple times.  Oh, by the way, if nobody gets the answer the computer doesn't tell you the answer.  This ain't no Jeopardy.  This frustrated the hell out of me as a child.  To make matters worse, not every picture is drawn terribly well and some are straight up hieroglyphics.

Uh... Hmmm... Head? Bad haircut? I can't even tell if that's male or female...

With each level you rise to, the pictures get harder and the hints are pulled away.  To win the game, you must guess a picture correctly from the four categories from each of three levels before your opponents do.  As an adult playing this game, it's hilariously bad.  The best is when you guess a picture right and nobody in the room had any clue of what the picture was supposed to be.  So it can still be a fun party game.  It's similar fun to the game show games on the Wii.  They're shallow, but a lot of fun with some friends and some alcohol. 

That's the most penisy looking candle I've ever seen. 

Buy or Pass

Do I think this game is for everyone? Not at all. I actually think most people will not like this game.  If you have some friends to play this game with it can be really funny, but overall it's not great.  If you're into those game show games on the Wii like The Price is Right and Minute to Win It, then you'll probably enjoy this game a bit.  Otherwise, I would have to suggest you pass it.

                                    

                                                                      Controls:   3

                                                                      Graphics:  2

                                                                      Story:      NA

                                                                      Music:       2

                                                                      Fun:          3

                                                                     ___________

                                                                      Total: 10/20                        

It Begins...

As I've scoured the internet, I've noticed that there are thousands of reviews for Mega Man, The Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Bros., Contra, and Metroid.  These reviews are mostly positive, as they're all fantastic games, so what's a retro gamer supposed to do when you see Sky Shark, MetalStorm, Xexyz, Elevator Action, or even Battle Kid for sale?

Join my friend and I as we attempt to find complete NES collections.  We are obsessed with sound and control accuracy, so there will be no emulation here.  We'll review every officially released, unofficially released, and homebrew game we can get our hands on.  So, let the reviewing begin!

Thanks for joining us!

- Yukon